Mother’s Day is one of THOSE holidays. One of those days set aside to honor someone and sell greeting cards. Not that moms shouldn’t be honored. Mothering is stinking hard sometimes. I’m a mom, I know. I had a great mom and she sometimes, without directly saying so, let us know how hard being a mom is. Plus, everyone has a mom.
But some people’s moms are no longer with us. My mom died on March 29 of this year. My due date, if I remember what she told me correctly. I’ve barely begun to process it.
Some people have crap moms. Women who could get pregnant and give birth, but couldn’t get their mother act together for some reason and have scarred there children. It’s easy enough for good moms to scar your children.
And some women desire more than anything to be a mom and just can’t get it to happen for them.
Yesterday at Sprout’s, a grocery store, the cashier asked me if I was ready for Mother’s Day. I chose that young women because I remembered her from the last time as personable. (I don’t go out much and like to maximize the experience.) And I’m kind of dorky and don’t always filter what I say. Well, I think I filtered this, but the holes in the mental sieve were kind of big at that moment, so it got through. I replied to her good-hearted questions thusly, “Well, my kids live far away and my mom died in March, so this year is kind of a bummer for me.”
She said something like, “Oh, I’m sorry.” And we talked about the cinnamon crusted pecans I was buying.
I could’ve lied and said, “Oh, I’m all set.”
So, it got me thinking, when did Mother’s Day become like Christmas and is something we “get ready for”?
And what if you had a crap mom?
Or a dead mom? I know about that, now.
Or want to be a mom and can’t be?
Our society isn’t as homogenized as it used to be. And we talk about it, in the interest of parity. We can’t assume everyone fits the greeting card idea anymore. Or wants to.
Some places, in the spirit of No Woman Left Behind, honors all women on Mother’s Day. Ball parks and churches and such.It kind of takes the specialness out of it if you’re a mom. But as someone who feels left behind a lot, I can flow with it. Better than doing away with the whole idea. I guess.
But at the same time, it’s nice to have a kind cashier who wants to chat with you.
Again, at the same time, I love my mom and love that I’m a mom (even though I’ve tainted my kids, just as my mom did me.) But I don’t expect flowers or cards from my kids because I was never very good at remembering these kind of special days. See, tainting your kids comes back to bite you in the butt.
At the same time, I understand why not everyone is thrilled that it’s Mother’s Day.
So, call your mom, hug your mom, give her breakfast in bed if you can. Or maybe work on forgiving her. And appreciate the amazing women around you.