There and Back Again

I’ve been gone. Probably nobody noticed. That’s okay, They don’t notice when I’m here. Waah, waah.

It’s been a rough year. I was just beginning to recover from my mom’s decline and death when my husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer. That’s how we roll. Then there was a bunch of other stuff, that when they happen one at a time, they’re a pain in the butt, but when one after another, it’s like being nibbled to death by a duck with shark teeth.

God’s Thumb by Akineko Chan @ deviantart

But hubs is fine. We found a great surgeon through a cancer support group. He had a good prognosis which has lived out. He had surgery last month and is now cancer free, no further treatment needed. I still miss my mom and always will. She’s the person I would have talked to about that.

But the happy thing is our daughter was married in September. I had the privilege of making her dress. We had a great trip back east. It seemed all the bad stuff, especially being sure we could safely time the surgery and still take two weeks away, wanted to steal the joy of getting ready for the wedding. But the wedding was the one bright thing in many dark and uncertain days.

They say bad times are good learning times. And some people say they’re thankful for bad times because of all they learned. Yeah, well, maybe. The rebel in me says I don’t really want to know that garbage anyway so let up on the bad times, huh. And if they don’t let up, let me wallow in my misery for awhile. Let me experience all my emotions.

Earlier this month, I seemed to pass out of that dark fog and back into regular thinking again. As regular as I get, anyway. And while I learned “lessons” I also have more questions. Mostly about God and faith and Christianity. So I might blog about that for awhile.

In the meantime, I’m working on revisions for my second book, trying to figure out book covers and thinking about how to launch it and book one together. I’m still looking for a job.

But I’m still here, so that’s good. God hasn’t pressed his thumb so hard on me as to totally crush me, so that’s good. And I haven’t totally given up on him.

2 thoughts on “There and Back Again

  1. Sometimes the light in the darkness is a very slim line that you can see coming in under the door. You know there is light out there, shining on other people, but you are stuck sitting here in the dark. It’s the trust that sometime you will be able to get out into the light that keeps you. Don’t be surprised at how long it takes. When my mom passed away, it was a full year before I felt the grief let go of my heart. Then it became that ache that appears when something triggers a special memory.

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