The Comments I’d Really Like to Make on Facebook Posts

If you’re on Facebook or some other social media, you probably have a mental list of types of posts that burn your grits or you would like to leave snarky comments for.

At the risk of alienating my friends and being unfriended, unfollowed, etc., here are a few of mine and the comments I don’t post:

The vacation selfies–the poster in some exotic place with a huge smile or open mouth, etc.

Comment: If you’re having such a frickin good time why are you spending so much time posting pictures? Brag much?

annoying selfie

The posting of a hundred individual photos of a the same place/event/person.

Comment: Haven’t figured out how to make an album yet, hmm?

Sarah's wedding and Philly 048

Sarah's wedding and Philly 048

Sarah's wedding and Philly 045

Sarah's wedding and Philly 043

The grandchild/ grandchildren. “My new grandson, Antler, is the sweetest, cutest blessing that’s ever been created ever by God, man or anything else. He’s so amazing and beautiful and smart, just sleeping here in my arms all squished up like a person who’s just been pushed through a narrow tube that was too small for his big round and now misshapen head.

Yup, your new precious blessing is the best thing to happen to you. Way to make your kid feel like trash. Also, learn to make a photo album. Don’t post another photo of Antler until he’s five.

grandmother

Couple selfies at the beach, date night

Yup, you’re a great looking couple that looks twenty years younger than your contemporaries. Thanks for making me feel old, boring, and ugly.

Laughing mature couple holding hands and walking on beach

“Here I am at the airport waiting for my flight to New York/London/Abu Dhabi/Scranton! Vacay here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

What, you’re on vacation again and you’re only 30? It took my husband 20 years to get a lousy 4 weeks a year for vacation. Do you have a real job? What is it that you do that you can afford to fly places at least once a month and stay at hotels and eat out and go to concerts? Does your employer hire old people? Or do you live in a refrigerator box under a bridge the rest of the time?

young-female-passenger-at-airport

I’m sick of people who create drama in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My feelings are so hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know my family hates me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Someone just said something that¬†makes me want to commit murder!!!! You know who you are!!!!

Well, I don’t. What did this person say???? What do you do that makes your family hate you????? I WANT TO KNOW!!!!!!!!! Stop vaguebooking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

facebook-drama

The poster you can tell just got off work. You see you have 15 new notifications and 14 of them are from this person sharing some meme about positive thinking or the meaning of life.

Um, don’t you do anything? Can’t you at least tell me what you had for lunch once in a while?

Inspirational memes

Sadly, actor Bobby Bundy, 95, was found dead last night in his Bel Air mansion by his lifelong faithful friend, Spot, who activated the alarm system. Bundy is best known for The Bobby Bundy Show that ran from 1954-1961. He will be missed. Followed by comments like: “This is so sad.” “I’ll miss him so much.”

Spot will miss him. And his agent who hadn’t gotten him a job in thirty years. Having a TV show or being in movies never made anyone immune from death.

This is actually Mickey Rooney who died in 2014 at the age of 94.

This is actually Mickey Rooney who died in 2014 at the age of 94.

There. I feel better now. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

What kind of social media posts would you like to see less of? What snarky comments do you keep to yourself?

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